Blindspot Busters

So last year I had my son uplifted from me because I was so concerned about his wellbeing I wanted him seen by a child psychologist. While I was concerned for the safety of myself and my son, my ex lawyered up and had him taken off him. Not only did this action mean that I could not get a protection order against him because I was named the ‘perpetrator’, it also meant that to see my son I had to continue to live under my ex’s power and control.

This obviously made me very very angry. It has been an emotional roller coaster of a year, and having to try and prove I am a good mother in the eyes of the court with so many venomous lies thrown at me lead to me having my third and most significant burn out.

It has taken a long time, but I finally feel like myself again. I have learnt a lot from this experience, the most important of which is who my real friends and true family are. For this I am eternally grateful. However, this experience has left me dumbfounded. How can we have a system that punishes mothers for trying to do the right thing by their children and allows their abusers to maintain power and control over them?

Whilst many people in the world frivolously celebrated the King of the colonisers, I folded paper hearts and fed the children in my local community. I choose to express my anger through art instead of violence. If I, a survivor, still in hiding from a very dangerous man, can choose to help people instead of hinder them, I ponder how the people in power in my own country, Aoeteroa, can sleep at night. How the f*ck can they possibly believe they are doing anything to help the people when I hear multiple horror stories everyday from people trapped in poverty by a system that oppresses instead of rewards its people?

The most concerning stories I have heard lately are from those in the neurodiverse community who do not feel safe anywhere. They are concerned that their behaviour will be misinterpreted, that they will be yelled at, hit, abused, just for asking a question to clarify what is expected of them. I understand this fear perfectly well because I have received similar treatment from many people, including many people who said that they loved me. No wonder everyone is confused about what ‘bullying’ is, when we confuse respect for power and control. If we do not do what ‘they’ say, ‘they’ can punish us. They can punish us for breaking ‘rules’ we do not even understand. What the actual f*ck?

Why are so many of the people in this society willing to turn a blind eye to the children who are crying? Crying because their parents are never home, having to work two jobs to keep a roof over the kids heads and then still having to rely on the kindness of strangers to ensure their children are feed. Crying because there is no one there to give them attention, to show them what real love is, to make them believe a better future is possible. Crying because they look around at their parents, aunties, uncles, and friends and see no way out of the trap this system has created for them.

Of course I am angry! Where is the Aroha in the system? Where is the Aroha in the governments budget? Why are we continuing to accept punitive punishments over compassionate considerations? Why do we, as a society, believe the stick is a better motivator than a carrot? In my personal experience threats never improve behaviour – they make it worse. Kindness always achieves better results. But when we had a leader whose key message was ‘be kind’, the angry people thought it was acceptable to death threat her toddler!

What is the world coming too? Where did all this entitlement come from? To me, I look back at the history of my own country and see it plainly. The first white man to discover New Zealand was a Dutchman, Abel Tasman (Zealand is in the Netherlands). He came, he saw, he made friends, and then he f*cked off back to his own country. Then the colonisers came and enforced their way of life on people whose way of life actually worked perfectly well for the people. This arrogance, this need to conquer, it is violence. It is oppression. And the way our current systems work are no better than a form of modern day slavery, keeping the people inline through fear rather than respect.

Power generated by fear is not true power. The people outnumber the elite many, many times over, and when you push people too far, you end up with revolution. If you look at any of the violent revolutions in the world, France, Russia etc, they generally start because the people are starving. I look around Aoeteroa now and I see way too many people struggling. They all have their own individual struggles, but they are all struggling none the less. And our government do not seem to care.

That our new Deputy Prime Minister David Seymour, can stand up and spout hate and support international corporations over the people of our country terrifies me. How did we, kiwi’s, allow this hateful man to hold such a high position of power?

My father Allan Peeperkoorn was a union man who stood up for the rights of every single person he met. He did not care if he liked them personally, if they were being exploited, if they were suffering, if they needed an advocate to stand beside them, he stood up, he fought, he argued and he generally got his way. Because he fought for the rights of the people. To be free, to be happy, to receive fair pay for their hard work.

I am my father’s eldest daughter and I am so angry I have been asking a lot of questions lately, but the main question I have been asking is – What would Dad do?

The answer is simple. It is time to rise up, E Tu, Stand Up, and let the elite know the people will not stand for this. We deserve better!

This is one of many angry poems I wrote over the last year:

I blame myself

You said I need to stop
Stop blaming others
Take responsibility
I blame myself

I didn’t listen 
I was warned
People tried hard
To warn me
To make me see
To help me
I didn’t listen
I blame myself

I made excuses
For bad behavior
I justified it all
I made people believe
There was nothing wrong
Nothing to worry about
That I was strong
I blame myself

I coped badly
Did things wrong
Buried my head
In work
In booze
In lies that it was fine
I blame myself

When I, terrified
Tried to tell people
How scared I was
Nobody listened
I had said it was fine
I blame myself

You made up lies
About me, awful ones
Everyone believed them
I crumbled
Have no self-esteem
I blame myself

Having to rebuild
With nothing
People start to listen
Too late, I’m broken
I blame myself

From my personal standpoint, I refuse to be a victim. I have blamed myself for my situation for too long. I have been knocked down, but I have pulled myself back up again many many times – with a little help from my friends. I am a survivor. I will survive this too – I just hope enough of my friends will stand beside me to topple the morons who are currently running our country into the ground. This government are absolutely a one term government, however, they still have the ability to f*ck shit up very very badly for us if they are allowed to push through their damaging legislation the way the have. 

I personally demand the government listen to its people or hand in their resignation.

We are coming!